They were supposed to be there, it would have been the first time we'd been at the same place socially since I'd found out second hand that in her mind she's told me that we've broken up, that in her mind she's told me specifically that we're not together.  Not the case, she said the opposite, but she says a lot of contradictory things these days and I suppose it's on me to separate the bullshit from the facts as they are.  Anyway, they were supposed to be there and I spent all day gathering strength to be there too and not come off like a mopey, broken boor.  To see our friends and laugh and ride and howl at the moon.  A dozen  times an hour all day long I wondered if I should just skip it for this month, but ultimately decided I'd be kicking myself for running away.  I go where I want, after all, and at the end of the day I've made stronger friendships in that scene in less than a year than her asshole clown has in several years.  After I was sure that they'd have already left for it, I responded on facebook to someone asking if I were coming. I didn't want them to not show, especially if they were going to dodge it because I would be there.

But.  They didn't show.  weak.

On the way there I boiled all of the bitterness I have for her into a single statement that would hide the hurt, give her an out, put the whole hurt on ice for a while.  She believes somewhat in astrology and at the moment Mercury is apparently fucking around with everyone's interpersonal communications.  Instead of being mean, telling her to go fuck her clown, telling her that the worst kind if liar is the one who lies to herself, instead of a dozen different things that would have felt cathartic to say, like the email below that I never sent, instead of all that I was going to tell her that clearly she and I are not in the right place to talk at all, that she's contradicting herself in every email and text, and that she's clearly hearing me say things that I'm just not saying, that we should just not talk for another couple of weeks and then see if it's possible to have a calm discussion if we feel the need.

But they didn't show up.

I also meant to tell him that he's got a week to get his crap out of my basement.  When she first took up with him and she still lived here he hit a financial crisis and we offered to let him clear out his storage locker temporarily and store his crap in our basement.  I remember doing nearly all of the lifting and loading while he dicked around in the locker and she sat on the floor laughing at his awful jokes.  He's got a job now, and though I don't really need the space, I just don't see a reason to keep doing him this favor.  Now I'm going to have to tell him in an email.  here goes...